Crap Republicans (apparently) believe

Okay, I started thinking about putting this up a few days ago after experiencing convention burnout. This list probably seems patently unfair to Republicans, and (to be fair) not all Republicans believe everything on this list. And Democrats believe some rather astounding things as well. And there’s a larger issue of what Americans believe that is just fundamentally untrue.

So we’re going to start with the things that struck me about Republicans. You can add to this list or suggest changes. I really didn’t get into the Todd Akin/Paul Ryan nonsense about Abortion, because frankly, everybody knows what they believe and most are pretty appalled.

1)      JFK ‘stole’ Chicago in 1960, and if votes had been counted correctly, Nixon would have been president (not true—even if Nixon had won Illinois, JFK still had sufficient electoral votes to win);

2)      Evolution is only theory, and bad theory at that(ask Huckabee, Santorum, Cain, Gingrich, Ryan, Buchanan, Etc);

3)      Ditto global warming. And all those scientists who won’t testify to that truth are just elitists;

4)      Science and math are overrated. And so is public education—nothing supported by and promoted by the Government has ever helped anyone.

5)      Obama is a Marxist (Cmon, folks–If Obama was really a Marxist, the Wall Streeters would’ve woken up in March 2009 to the sight of fellow banksters hanging from lampposts. Obama has prosecuted no one for the bankster crimes—he isn’t even a NEW DEAL DEMOCRAT);

6)      Black people are the only people who need or use Welfare;

7)      Ditto food stamps;

8)      Cognitive dissonance alert: Repubs simultaneously believe a) that work is inherently dignifying and uplifting and b) someone who does not have to work(aka a ‘welfare queen’) is living in a secret paradise;

9)      Black slaves actually had a sweet deal before the Civil War (aka the War to Defend Southern Apartheid) when their lives here are compared with what Africa was like, and things weren’t THAT BAD before the Civil Right Act;

10)   It’s okay to have dodged the draft in the 1960’s (Romney, Newt, Pat Buchanan, Cheney, Rush Limbaugh, etc) as long as you thought we were ‘right’ to fight in Vietnam;

11)   Waterboarding is NOT torture no matter what John McCain, the sole Republican in DC to have personal experience with torture, says about it;

12)   There was a vast, ugly, intricate conspiracy to hide Obama’s Kenyan birthplace including use of the highly experimental “Wayback” machine to place birth announcements in both of Hawaii’s Local newspapers. But the Air National Guard losing all correspondence dealing with W not showing up for weekend drills for over a year? That’s just bad luck;

13)   Reagan’s tax cuts were completely self-financing, and the argument that the federal deficit under Reagan tripled from one trillion to three trillion dollars is due to that tricky math that liberals use;

14)   It is perfectly acceptable to insult Democrats who are out of the closet (nee “Barney Fag”) and to start rumors about Dems who are not out of the closet (or not gay). It is beyond the pale for anyone on the left to call out closeted Republicans for throwing their gay and lesbian brethren under the bus by siding with anti-gay policies like Defense of Marriage or Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell;

15)   Jokes about Larry Craig are completely unfair;

16)   Asking Cheney about how he supports an anti-gay agenda in the Republican party while he has a daughter who’s gay is also completely unfair;

17)   Asking Dick Cheney’s wife Lynn how come the lesbian scenes in her novel SISTERS  are so well written and detailed (and numerous) is completely unfair and libelous;

18)   FDR made the Depression worse, and Amity Schlaes did NOT make up numbers in her book about FDR no matter what historians say;

19)   The VA medical system for veterans is a Socialist disaster, even though the bulk of its patients rate VA care higher than conventional private care;

20)   Starting a war of aggression against a country that doesn’t plan to attack us (say, Iraq) is NOT a war crime in the United Nations charters the US wrote after WWII;

21)   Asking why Dick Cheney was never indicted for shooting a fellow hunter in the face at close range is just another example of the ‘lame-stream media’ asking the wrong questions;

22)   It is absolutely treasonous to ask why White House pool ‘reporter’ (and expensive male escort) Jeff Gannon/James Guckert had multiple sleepovers and other visits to the Bush White House on days when there were no press conferences.

There! I tried to pick truths that were a bit obscure but still accepted as common wisdom. This is not an exhaustive list–I chose items for their resonance, not for their currency. Suggestions welcome.

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